We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
