I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
