ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
