They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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