Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
