with your own penis?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
