If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
