i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
