You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
