ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.