I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
