I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.