I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE