I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
