Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
