I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to have your abortion
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
