I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
