if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize