Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need a beard to bite.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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