He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
