i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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