Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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