Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
