Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
