I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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