Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
