His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
