just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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