Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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