The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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