So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
