Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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