Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
