12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The ass gains better be worth it
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