you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
