I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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