try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
