So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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