last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
