i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
