HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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