I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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