only you would photoshop your dick
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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