After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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