6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
