i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
