i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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