dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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