just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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