Pants 0. Shit 1.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you had me at cake vodka
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
