I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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