kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
