ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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