My balls are so social today.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
