??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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