So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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