new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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