it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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