id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
