Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
