So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
