To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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