I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
