you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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