Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
