So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
