Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
