What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
