the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
