I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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