He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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