It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
