Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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