Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
