I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
