Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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