Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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