You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The best revenge is premature balding
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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